Body, Mental Health, Mind, Yourself

Sleep and Our Feelings

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So often when I read of the importance of sleep, I get frustrated. This is because I want to sleep and sometimes struggle with actually doing it. Have you been there? Does it ever feel like you’re not sure who is in charge in the middle of the night. The you who desperately wants to sleep or the you who is wide awake? For this reason, this post is not going to discuss the importance of sleep and how it impacts many areas of our waking hours including our feelings. It will instead give some real-world practical suggestions for things to do in those wee hours when you want to be sleeping but are not.

Focus more on the now than on the coming day

It is so easy to get into the what if dialog within your brain when you wake repeatedly in the night. Certainly there are effects we feel when we’ve missed sleep, and the reality is, we have gotten through all our prior rough days that followed nights with little to no sleep.

Count breaths backwards

This can be an extension of focusing on the now. As silly as it may seem but counting backwards in weird increments can actually give your brain something to focus on that is not ruminating about things you cannot control. An example can be to count backward starting at 128 in increments of 7. So 128, 121, 114, 107, 100, 93, etc.

Play the alphabet game

This is something I learned from Lynn Lyons, she suggests when we get anxious, it can be a helpful way to get our brains to break focus on what we don’t want to be focusing on and challenge them to focus on something else by playing the alphabet game in any given category. One of my favorite ways to use this is to work through the alphabet praying for people or things I know that start with an A, then a B and so on. Another option I do is work through confessions about myself for each letter. For example: I am appreciative. I am blessed. I am compassionate. Finally another favorite for me is to name off attributes of God. This fits right in with scripture.

“You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You.” Isaiah 26:3

Body Scan

Deliberately move your awareness around from one body part to another slowly. Right thumb, right index finger, etc.

I pray some of these are helpful if you find yourself wanting to sleep, but your mind not being as cooperative as you would like. Are there any hints you’ve found especially useful? I’d love to hear.

Jesus, Mental Health, Mind, Yourself

How to create space to process

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Pause

When there is just too much on my plate, I need space. Have you ever been in traffic and just wished for space. Too many cars, too much movement, too much input from the billboards, and of course it is pouring rain. What we long for in these cases of overstimulation is space. Room to process. I recently came across a free app that has been really helpful in reminding me to create space for me to process.

The app is called One Minute Pause, it was put out by John Eldridge’s ministry – Wild at Heart. It is a great app that provides verses, phrases, prayers that provide a one minute, as the name suggests. It also allows for three, five or ten minute pauses. It has options that allow you to receive reminders a couple times a day to take a pause. Then you chose which length.

My favorite way to use the app:

I prefer to set my alarms for mid-morning and mid-afternoon. This is because I tend to do well first thing in the morning and last thing at night on my own, but these mid-day reminders are helpful for me. If I have people around, which is most of the time mid-day, I prefer to turn off the sound on the app. I simply look at it and breath deeply while reading it silently.

These pauses have been very helpful to me. They have been helpful as a way to help reset my baseline, in terms of by nervous system. They are also helpful in creating space I need to process when things get a bit overwhelming.

So may I encourage you to give it a try. Take a pause, to give yourself space to process.

Do you have a favorite free app to recommend which you’ve found helpful in creating space? I’d love to hear about it. If you’d like to read things you can do when you feel antsy – I have written a post that you mind find helpful.

Mental Health, Mind, Yourself

3 Signs You Might Be Avoiding Your Feelings and What to Do About it

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In this post I will go over 3 signs that you might be avoiding your feelings and follow it up with some suggestions of what to do instead.

1 You are getting a lot done but still feel like a failure

The term psychologist use for this is over-functioning. At times we tend to go beyond functioning and actually use our performance as a way to try to hide from our feelings. A clue to whether our functioning is at a healthy or unhealthy level is how our doing makes us feel. Are we feeling productive, efficient, in the flow? If so, then our doing is likely coming from a healthy place. On the other other hand if we are getting a lot done but still feeling like a failure, we are likely using our doing in an unhealthy way.

2 You tie your worth to what you are doing

If your doing is about proving your worth, you will likely find that it is never enough. I find that there are two extremes of tying my worth to my performance. One leads to pride, because I’ve done something that makes it so I overestimate my worth. The other leads to self-contempt.

With the pride version, I tend to look at my performance as better than others. It can be very easy, for example, to think others are lazy when we are over-working.

With the self-contempt version, I tend to look at my performance as coming up short compared to others. In can be easy, for example, to think others don’t struggle the way I do. That somehow I am less-than because I have to work at something.

3 You feel like you cannot stop or take a break

When your doing feels like it has to be done right this minute. Or that you cannot stop or take a break, that is a warning sign. Sure there are emergencies when things just have to be done right then and there, but most of life is more flexible than that. Therefore lack of flexibility is a warning sign.

Do any of the above sound familiar? They sure do to me! None of this is about condemning ourselves, but more about recognizing signs that can help us pause and make other choices.

What to do instead

When I notice any of the above, I try to pause, and recognize that my feelings are trying to get my attention. My best course of action is likely to stop and listen to myself. I don’t mean to become self-centered. I simply mean to give myself the care that is appropriate.

Make an “Idea” list

Getting out a piece of paper an jotting down “Ideas” of what can be done is one of my favorite tools. Not a to-do list. A to-do list in these times tends to lead to more over-functioning. An idea list is flexible. It helps me feel effective, but not overwhelmed.

Take a mindful moment

Mindfulness at its heart is about reminding ourselves that we are human beings, not human doings. So at times when I find myself over-functioning, taking a moment to stop and connect with the here and now breaks the hyper-speed train. A way to do this can be as simple as stopping to look out a window, or rub a cool surface.

Use a timer

A timer is one of my favorite tools for a number of things. A timer in times of over-functioning helps to make sure you do not get swept away in the over-functioning. Having timer that helps me stop in 5 to 15 minutes serves me well. It makes it very impersonal to stop and decide if I want to continue on, or if I want to shift to something else.

When our feelings are overwhelming, it is natural to want to avoid them. However, they will find a way to get our attention. So it is often better to notice signs we are hiding and take moments to feel the feelings and then support ourselves to make sure our doing comes from a healthier place.

Jesus, Mental Health

Keys to Emotional and Mental Health for Christians

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Biblical Meditation
Christian Meditation

Biblical meditation is a key to our mental and emotional health.

It is also a key to our prosperity and success.

Today I listened to this sermon from Bill Johnson. The key text he presents in this message was Joshua 1 which is the account of Joshua taking over after Moses died to lead the Israelites into the Promise Land.

He illustrates that we all know how to meditate, because we have all experienced times where we were kept up all night thinking about something we were concerned about. I can certainly relate to this. This scripture is the key to transforming that way of thinking.

This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success. Joshua 1:8

Christian meditation – to reflect, to moan, to mutter, to ponder, to quietly repeat. The way this looks is to repeat Scriptures and relate these truths to our lives. At about 22 minutes into this sermon, Bill shares how he uses Psalm 127 to meditate and pray it out. For me, I have used Psalm 23 as a meditative passage in recent months where I breath in “The Lord is my shepherd.” I breath out, “I lack nothing.” I continue on from there, but I choose to make this a slow meditative practice that sows and waters seeds in my heart.

Making Scripture Personal

Another approach to Biblical meditation that I love is making scripture personal. Here is an example:

And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him. 1 John 4:16

Personalized – this becomes “I have known and I have believed the love God has for me. God is love, and when I abide in love, I abide in God and God in me.”

Bill shares that Christian Biblical meditation is an ongoing encounter with God. Where we harness our thoughts and emotions and submit them to God’s Truth. According to the scripture above it is a key to prospering and having success.

Psalm 1 is a parallel scripture to the Joshua 1:8 admonition.

Blessed is the man
Who walks not in the counsel of the [a]ungodly,
Nor stands in the path of sinners,
Nor sits in the seat of the scornful;
But his delight is in the law of the Lord,
And in His law he meditates day and night.
He shall be like a tree
Planted by the rivers of water,
That brings forth its fruit in its season,
Whose leaf also shall not wither;
And whatever he does shall prosper.

The ungodly are not so,
But are like the chaff which the wind drives away.
Therefore the ungodly shall not stand in the judgment,
Nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous.

For the Lord knows the way of the righteous,
But the way of the ungodly shall perish.

Psalm 1

Because Biblical meditation is a key to our mental and emotional health this is one of my go-to tools when I am in distress and as more of a maintenance practice that I do on a regular basis. I’d love to hear what some of your meditation strategies include.

In this post – I shared 10 things Christians can do when they are feeling antsy, which may also be helpful to you.

Mind

Chatter

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“Chatter” is the title of an audiobook I recently listened to. It is subtitled, “The voice in our head, why it matters, and how to harness it.” It is written by Ethan Kross, a psychologist. This post will share some of what I learned from that book. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by an internal voice, I think you will find this book very practical and helpful.

The book begins with a compelling context for what lead to the author writing the book. I’m not sue about you, but I find it really helpful to know that a person is writing from personal experience, and not simply from intellectual review.

Here are specific recommendations I saw in the book:

  • There is value in widening our perspective. He covers this in a chapter called, “Zooming Out.”
  • Changing our wording to include our name can help create distance. He covers this in a chapter called, “When I become you.”
  • There can be great value in talking things through with others, but there are cautions to be aware of here. He covers this in a chapter called, “The power and peril of other people.”

So practically speaking – I was left with this suggestion. When those voices in my mind feel overwhelming, I challenge myself to zoom out and refer to myself by name. As simple as it sounds, it is very helpful.

Mental Health, Yourself

Processing Anxiety

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“When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Your comforts delight my soul.” Psalm 94:19

This scripture acknowledges that we have times when anxious thoughts can flood us. It also acknowledges that these are times when God comforts us in such a way that we can be delighted. Too many times I have wallowed in anxious thoughts for far longer than needed. A big reason for this was too much of a self focus.

“You know better” is something that has gone through my mind many times regarding falling prey to anxiety. I am learning that there are many factors that can contribute to times of anxiousness. My way out of them really isn’t about me making myself bad.

Here are some tools I’m learning relative to processes those anxious feelings.

Bottom-up approach

For me often anxiety shows up as a bodily sensation more so than a specific pattern of conscious thinking. Certainly thoughts are involved on some level. For me the sensations often show up as what feels like a rush of adrenaline which feels like an urgent sense to move, a racing heart, dry mouth. These are all very real reactions of our body when the sympathetic response has been engaged. The sympathetic system is commonly known as our fight, flight, freeze response. Dr. Gentry defines stress as “painful past learning intruding into the perceptual system here in this present, causing us to perceive threat where there is little to no danger.” This causes our body to release energy. He also describes the flight or flight response in practical terms as us responding with acts of aggression or avoidance, which are breaches of our integrity.

We also have a parasympathetic system. This is known as our rest and digest system. Engaging our parasympathetic system often requires us to engage our body to address the body symptoms we are experiencing. Dr. J. Eric Gentry has some amazing videos on YouTube explaining these options. He is a an expert in Traumatic Stress and Compassion Fatigue. When we address our anxiety system from the body first, instead of the mind, is called bottom-up approach. Dr. J. Eric Gentry encourages us to learn to relax our body as a first step in creating space to process through our difficult emotions. Since learning these principles I have been paying more and more attention to my body and consciously releasing tense muscles several times a day.

Tools for Hope

Because I know how much you just want the sensations to stop when you are feeling anxious, I want to share some of the resources that I have come across that have been helpful to me, in the hopes that it leads more people to freedom in this area. Dr. Gentry shares most of these items in a video he has put out on youtube – called Tools for Hope.

  • Focus on your senses, not the thoughts around them. For example looking, listening, smelling etc. He illustrates that in general our senses will show that we are not in danger currently. The thoughts are based on painful past experiences. This contaminates the sanctuary of the present moment. It is a big deal that we realize that we are currently safe. Trauma survivors often don’t realize the difference between feeling safe and being safe. This is cognitive restructuring. This is very similar to a grounding technique that many people teach – where they recommend when you are overwhelmed with a flush of sensations or thoughts, instead of focusing on, engaging the thoughts focus on what you can see, hear, feel, taste, smell.
  • Relaxing muscles
  • Breathing
  • Connecting with body through touch – hand on heart etc.
Family, Mental Health, Mind

Resource for Parents with Children who feel Anxious

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Do you, as a parent, wonder how best to help your child(ren) navigate feelings of anxiousness? I know for myself I had a lot of insecurity and lack of tools around these types of subjects.

As a Christian mom, my greatest goal was to point my children to Jesus. That certainly has not changed, but from a practical standpoint, I often wondered if I was navigating certain situations in the most helpful way, not only short-term but also long. Today I came across a podcast (her podcast is called Flusterclux) with Lynn Lyons. She is a psychotherapist with more than 30 years experience, specializing in anxiety. I think you will agree she has a very down to earth, practical, empowering way of explaining things. I also think you’ll find much of what she shares will not only be helpful to your child(ren) but you as well.

Jesus, Yourself

Is that Bully in my head, God speaking to me?

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“Not again, this never works out for you.” “They don’t want to hear what you have to say.” “You should just give up.” “You’re such a disappointment.” Do any of these phrases, or similar ones, sound familiar? Do you ever wonder if they are the voice of God speaking to you? After all, if I, an imperfect human have higher expectations for myself, wouldn’t a perfect God expect even more?

Discerning the voice of God is one of the great invitations we Christians have to make our walk fruitful. Sadly many of us have viewed God and His voice as similar to a bully.

Here is a passage from Scripture which illustrates how God’s voice often differs from what we might expect.

Then He said, “Go out, and stand on the mountain before the Lord.” And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice. So it was, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood in the entrance of the cave. Suddenly a voice came to him, and said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” 1 Kings 19:11-13

God asks questions

It is not the dramatic things like wind, earthquake or fire that was God speaking, but instead the still small voice was God’s. Also God asked Elijah a question. This is something God does often in scripture. God is not the accuser of the brethren – that is something the enemy is (see Revelation 12:10). So if the voice you are hearing is accusative, you can know it is not God. God can and does certainly convict. Conviction is different than accusing. Conviction invites us to repentance. Accusation invites us to shame and condemnation.

I find at times in my life when the voice is loud and demanding, it can overshadow the still small voice of God. But thankfully as I’ve walked with the Lord over the years, I also see him gently whisper his love for me, or his inviting questions.

I’ve heard it said that God never asks questions in order to learn something. Instead He asks questions to invite us to deeper intimacy with Him or to discover what is in our heart.

If you sense the Lord asking you a question today, I encourage you to reject the voice of the bully, and instead enter into the question with Your gentle, loving Father.

Mental Health, Mind, Yourself

10 Things Christians Can Do When They Feel Antsy

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I think we all have those times when we feel a bit unsettled, or a bit antsy. Many times, as Christians, we are given the impression that if only our faith was great enough, we would never feel anxious. In this post I want to provide some really practical things you can do when you feel anxious or unsettled, while still acknowledging that God is on the throne.

1 Feel the feeling

I can hear people arguing already. After all doesn’t the Bible tell us many times not to fear and to be anxious for nothing? It does, however H. Norman Wright’s writings on grief helped me to see the tone with which these admonitions were likely given with and that is one of strengthening and encouraging, rather than scolding. Think of how you might handle if your small child woke in the middle of a storm, the tone with which you might say, “awe, hon’ you don’t have to be afraid, I’m right here.”

When we are willing to feel our feelings, rather than trying to stuff them, we will often find that the feelings can process through and not get stuck or stuffed, only to re-surface another time.

2 Breath prayer

Once we have connected with the feeling(s), it can be very helpful to involve our parasympathetic nervous system. This is a physiological system that is involved in regulating us, calming us down. Slow rhythmic breathing is one such skill that can be engaged in to bring this system more online. Breath prayer incorporates the slow rhythmic breathing with praying. So we slowly inhale focusing on a truth, and slowly exhale focusing on a truth. Some of my favorites are (while inhaling) focus on “My God is here” (while exhaling) “I am at peace” – see how each phrase has 4 syllables, this helps it to stay rhythmic. I’ve since learned that extended exhales can be even more calming. So now I often have a shorter phrase for the inhale and a longer for the exhale. Example: (while inhaling) “My God is here.” (while exhaling) “I am loved and have a sound mind.” This gives me a count of 4 syllables on the inhale and 8 on the exhale. I generally will repeat these phrases/breaths at least 3 to 5 times. I highly recommend this as a very practical way of addressing the immediate sensations of anxiousness, but also as I pro-active practice throughout the day.

3 Grounding in the now

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1

The only time we can do or feel anything is now. Very often when we are feeling antsy it has to do with our mind being in a different place than our body. Our mind may be focusing on the past or the future, while our body is here now. I’ve learned a few exercises over the years that can help to ground me in the now, where faith is. One of my favorites is all about utilizing our five senses to connect directly with what is happening right now. If you find your mind is all over the place in terms of racing thoughts, try looking for 5 things you can see right now, 4 things you can touch/feel right now, 3 things you can hear right now, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste. The 5 senses help ground us in now. This also is a great rescue tool, meaning it can be utilized right in the moments of panic.

4 Self compassion – through touch

Dr. Kristin Neff has written extensively on self-compassion. One of the things I learned from her was the value of offering ourselves compassion through physical touch. When we experience unsettling feelings, it can be very helpful to simply place our hand gently on our hearts. Combining this with breath prayer can be very powerful.

5 Reminders of prior successes

Sometimes when I am going through antsy feelings, I lose perspective and begin to think everything I do is failing. In order to bring more perspective to this, it can be very helpful to remind ourselves of prior successes. A truth I would offer you to embrace is that you have successfully gotten through every challenge you have faced thus far in your life. I don’t mean everything is resolved. I don’t mean you handled them all the way you would always want to. The reality is you have done the best you can up until now and that is worthy of appreciation.

6 Pen and paper

I know journaling can be something that a person tends to gravitate toward or against. I want to encourage you, if you are feeling agitated to give it a try. There is something about the tactile sensation of putting pen (or pencil) to paper. Additionally this can help get things out of our head and onto paper where sometimes we can see things from a new perspective. A few options if you don’t prefer to journal in full sentences include just jotting down words or phrases that are on your mind, or doodling. Both of these still accomplish much.

7 Move body

I have found often when I feel antsy, I feel a bit of an adrenaline rush. To process this, it can be very helpful to move our body. My favorite is to go for a walk in nature. Dr. Andrew Huberman, a Stanford Neurobiologist, shares that dogs tend to shake when they need to release stress and this is something we can benefit from as well. Additionally, he shares the value of broadening our visual focus in times of stress. Looking out a window can be very helpful.

8 Reach out

“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2

God designed us to live in connection to one another. He sent His son because He desired a larger family (Romans 8:29). Sometimes the best thing we can do is make a connection with another human being, not for them to replace God, but for them to remind us that we are each humans in need of our God.

9 Think eternally

“Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth.” Colossians 3:2

This may sound somewhat contradictory to item #3 above, which spoke about the only real time we can do anything is now. As I explain further, I hope it will become clear how both of these approaches can be helpful and are not actually adversarial in any way. Thinking eternally simply puts the now in perspective. I’m sure you have heard people share that when you are in a disagreement with someone you love, a good practice can be to think about if this issue will matter in 5 years. Similarly, it can be very helpful when we are in distress to remind ourselves that God has all of time figured out and that is something we can keep our trust in Him for.

10 Set up Rhythms of Grace

My last tip for those times that you feel antsy, is something I’ve been learning the value of more and more over the years. It is grounded in the idea that decision fatigue is a real thing. Sometimes we literally get tired just from all the decisions that are required of us on an ongoing basis. In order to minimize this type of stress, I like to incorporating things in my life that I call “Rhythms of Grace.” These are things I can and do practice on pretty much auto-pilot – no need for decisions each day. Brushing your teeth is likely one of these for most people. We just tend to get up, head to the bathroom and brush our teeth. This serves us well, but is not something we have to invest a lot of mental efforts into. During this last year, I have chosen some things that I have incorporated into my day in a similar way. Since it is very helpful to have these things anchored with things – the same way brushing your teeth is anchored with getting up in the morning – I have chosen 5 general times in the day that I have anchored “Rhythms of Grace.” For me that is 1) first thing in the morning 2) mid-morning 3) mid-afternoon 4) evening 5) when going to bed. I can share the specifics of mine, but the specifics of yours can and should, most likely look different. For me first thing in the morning, I begin with breath prayer right in bed … I love waking up taking a deep breath and thinking something like “It’s Christ in me” “I am enough” or “My God is here” “I am at peace” Mid-morning and mid-afternoon I have alarms in my phone to remind myself to be present. I have scriptures I read and breath deeply at these times. In the evening I move my body in someway – most often taking a walk outside. When going to bed – I try to end each night with prayers of gratitude and taking time to honor successes. For me this means that I try to reflect on things that I considered “wins” from the day. They can be big or small. As you can see my rhythms don’t take a ton of time, but they are conscious ways to incorporate many of the things I listed in the above tips.

I pray some of these things can help you in moments of panic or stress and some can help to minimize the amount of stress you experience. Please feel free to reach out in the comments if you need prayer.

Mental Health

3 Lessons from the Winter Season

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Winter
Season – Winter

I think you will agree the natural world has much to teach us about how our lives work. Many people think that other than being impacted by weather or beauty in nature there is not much more too it. I believe that nature actually has a whole lot to teach us that we can apply to our everyday lives. In today’s post I will delve into some more of the lessons that I feel can be gleaned from the winter season. If you’d like to see my original post about the winter season – you can see it here.

1 Prep when you receive a weather report that a storm is coming.

First I want to acknowledge that there is a mixture of feelings that can come when we are in a season that includes forecasts that we may be able to prepare for, but really have no control over when, where and how that storm comes in. At times I have experienced dread and/or anxiety when I’ve been informed of impending storm. Other times I have experienced indifference, kind of like, just let me know when it’s over. Still other times a storm is greeted by excitement. Over time I have come to understand that the very fact that my reactions can be so different, indicates that it is not the storm itself that is the problem. My reaction to it may or may not be what leads to the turmoil.

I have also seen that when God allows us to have a forecast of a coming storm, it is often to help us take steps to prepare. For a winter storm, this might mean gathering supplies. Certain forecasts lead to empty bread shelves. For a life-storm, it may be similar. Have you ever known a particularly packed schedule was ahead of you on your calendar? Have you ever looked at that as a forecast? Perhaps that is an invitation to gather up supplies or do practical things to ease your load during that time. A really practical thing I have done in these seasons is make dump and go crockpot meals. I love these because often the whole meal is contained in one dish. This makes clean up is easier. Also these recipes tend to be flexible on when they get eaten. Flexibility is often a key in these seasons.

2 You cannot shovel the snow before it falls.

Sometimes in the winter our mobility is temporarily limited. I don’t like this. But it is. Sometimes our mobility is limited because the travel conditions are just too dangerous. Sometimes we are forced to make decisions which acknowledge these limitations. With point 1 above sometimes I have found that I can over-plan for things and almost want to shovel the snow before it arrives. I’ve come to understand through nature that this is not possible. So, yes, plan, prepare the best you can, but understand that somethings can only be addressed when they actually come. A truth about faith is that you can only have faith “now”. Hebrews 11 tells us “Now faith is.” I find it so encouraging to realize that God provides grace in the moments we need it – when the snow falls, so to speak.

3 We don’t have the same amount of light in all seasons.

The facts are that in winter there are less daylight hours. And paradoxically this can lead us to further see the value in having light. Additionally the short days can be a time of rest. I think this parallels life quite well. There have certainly been times in my life when I have had to acknowledge I just didn’t have light or clear direction in a particular area. How much of my time was wasted in trying to figure it out in the dark, so to speak. Instead perhaps God was offering me to rest in that season, knowing He would bring the light in due season.

I hope these three lessons have been helpful to you. If you are in a winter season and would like prayer, please feel free to reach out.

In this post I wrote some of the first lessons I saw in the winter season.